Recently, I have been spending a great deal of time with my Mom, who is now in a nursing home in Vermont. She fell the week before Christmas and broke her hip and now has Dementia. She turned 90 years old in June, and she was showing signs, but either they were slight or perhaps I was just in denial.
on Mom's 90th Birthday, Ashley, Brayden, my mom, Logan, RJ and Sarah
Since her fall, surgery, hospital stay and being placed first in rehabilitation and now a nursing home, I have been living in Vermont these months.
Daily I would walk the hall towards her room and pass numerous residents with varying levels of Dementia. There were those who could barely keep themselves sitting upright in their wheelchairs. Other residents who could use a walker, but seemed lost anyway by the expression in their face. Some residents had no words, just a desperate look in their eyes.
I am back home for a few weeks to tend to family things. Today I was slighted by a young girl, who often reacts to me in an unkind way in front of others. Unfortunately, she is part of the family so I cannot avoid her at family gatherings. Yet it puzzles me why someone would enjoy being so hurtful. Years ago this would not happen because back in my day a 20 something girl would never dream of making someone 68 years old feel uncomfortable.
first time meeting Logan
I thought about how all these months I purposely would never make my Mom feel slighted. When she uses a wrong word, or tells a strange story, or often thinks she has moved again, I try to console her. I bought her a pink princess phone.
at Sarah and Mike's wedding
When we talk and she feels that she has been moved, I remind her if she is talking on the pink phone she is in the right room.
It made me think of how differently that young girl who makes me uncomfortable, might think of acting, if she knew how she or a loved one might end up with Dementia someday.
at Ashley's baby shower
Actually all of us should spend more time being mindful, thoughtful, and thankful. If we knew that we might lose our gifts someday I believe we would be thankful for every precious moment we are able to think, write, dress ourselves, live alone, walk, drive and the list goes on.
for 18 years while living at her residence she organized food donations for the local food shelf at Christmas
I thought about what a gift this painful experience has been watching my Mom, who was so independent walk into the path of Dementia. A bittersweet gift because it has reminded me of her adventures and what a wonderful life she has had. A gift because for the rest of my life, I will cherish every moment of everyday being thankful for the things I once took for granted.
at Sarah's bridal shower me, my sister, Susan, my mom and my sister, Lynne
My mother always started everyday with a prayer to God. "Thank you God for my strong body and my strong mind" God responded by giving her 90 years of good health and wonderful experiences.
At 68, I know my life too has been filled with amazing adventures. We never know who will be affected by Dementia someday.
recently at the nursing home, my mom can no longer dress herself bath, or walk with a walker
So, I want to hold onto all the good thoughts everyday. I want to be thankful and appreciate the little things.
I want to work on not being offended by foolish people, instead fill my life with as many positive people that I can. Enjoy my husband, wonderful daughters, son-in-law and grandchildren, sisters and closest friend, Joyce.
Life Lessons, I went to the food store today. I waited for a nice parking spot up front because it was raining. As I pulled into the spot, I realized it was a tight squeeze. I straightened the car out and checked to my left and then to my right.
I thought I might be too close to the car on my right, but before I could back up again to center my car better, the owner of the car on my right approached. I rolled down my window to ask if he could get into his car okay.
I called out but he didn't hear me at first, and then he threw his cane into his back seat. I called again and asked if he could get into his car okay. The man was in his early 80's and looked a bit mean. He gave me a dirty look and barked at me "I'm okay and you're okay, NOW GO AWAY!!!!!!!"
As I walked into the food store, instead of being offended by this response, I thought he was obviously self-conscious about his handicap and assumed I was asking if he could get in his car okay because of the cane.
All through shopping I thought, so many times over my lifetime I have been offended when someone barked at me needlessly. I wonder....I wonder if those people had been carrying a cane if I would not have been offended.
Life lesson, we can't always see why someone might be hurting enough to bark at us. Their hurt might be pain physically, mentally or spiritually.
Just because we can't see why they might react badly, doesn't mean that they aren't in some kind of pain.
Truth be told normal, whole people do not bark at anyone needlessly.
People bark when their inward pain is leaking outward.
I cast my hurt feelings up, up and away like a hot air balloon. I said a prayer for the man with the cane. When I returned to my car, I saw his wife. A tiny lady about the same age. I said two prayers for her and I drove away with my groceries and a life lesson in tow.
It was a day filled with silly petty annoyances. A friend hurt my feelings, and everything seemed to go wrong. I failed at something that I had thought I already had conquered. By the end of the day, so many things had gone wrong, I was in a puddle of tears.
So, I did what always makes me feel better, I went for a ride. The sky grew dark, and I knew from the weather forecast that a storm was soon approaching.
I was remembering seeing Singing in the Rain with my mom when I was little. She said that when we left the theater, I was dancing in the puddles all the way home. Wish I could be that happy little person again. I haven't been dancing in the puddles lately, just complaining about the rain.
I decided to wait out the rain, so I stopped by our local book store, which is filled with shelves and shelves of wonderful Christian and inspirational books. I browsed through some shelves and found one I liked, which I knew would feed my spirit.
Then I went over to the magazine section and grabbed a Victorian Bliss, which always feeds my visual senses.
But it was when I was in the wedding book aisle, that I was stopped dead in my tracks. I was gleaning inspiration for Sarah's wedding in September. Just beyond the aisle, a book club was being conducted. Fifteen or so people sat in a circle as the leader talked about their assigned book.
It was no ordinary book club. Everyone sitting in the circle had some sort of handicap. I tucked back in the aisle where I had been and eavesdropped. My heart felt so cleansed as I heard all of these wonderful people overcoming their personal adversity. Some were struggling to read the words, others were trying to contain their external over excitement. Suddenly I knew that I was right smack in the middle of a life lesson.
I stopped feeling sorry for myself immediately, and went to grab a cup of coffee and read through my purchases. With a cup of coffee in one hand and a scone in the other, I felt a sense of relief.
The coffee shop portion of this book shop is elevated, and you need to go up a few steps or walk up the ramp. I chose a seat at the top level.
As I glanced down there was a woman who had been in the book club. She was using one of those motorized wheelchairs. All of a sudden she left her table and rode up the ramp. She stopped at the station where you leave your trays. She proceeded to put her garbage in the trash and lay her tray down. It wasn't easy, and I knew better than to offer any help. She was feeling quite independent, I could tell. She then proceeded to go back down the ramp, pick up her parcels from the table and leave the shop.
No self-pity, no complaining, just doing the best she could and feeling good about herself.
I left the book shop with a new lease on life, and feeling terribly ashamed that I had even entertained any self-pity at all.
The rain had stopped outside and the gloom in my spirit was gone as well. On the way home I enjoyed the most glorious sunset.
When I came home, I sat right down and wrote this post to share my day with you. I don't fall into puddles of tears and self-pity that often since I traveled over the bridge to Menopause twenty plus years ago. I am usually a steady-as-you-go person. Yesterday reminded me that no matter how bad a day I might have, there are bigger problems in the world to conquer, and braver souls who carry their burdens effortlessly and with a smile.
"You may encounter many defeats, but you must not be defeated.
In fact, it may be necessary to encounter the defeats,
When did we stop saying "pleasantly plump" and start saying "fat?" Just wondering.
If you would like a bit of music, just click play.
I looked at the new thinner versions of the iMac, iPhone and iPad. "Thin is in", that's for sure. We even have our technology on a diet. Is thin really better? I wonder.
When I was a girl, America wasn't obsessed with weight like they are today. You rarely saw anyone jogging down the street, and never once did I see any girl in gym class resemble the Victoria Secret models. No, no, there were thin people and fat people and in-between people and I think that we just accepted them for being different.
I have been pleasantly plump since I turned fifty years old. Partially because I had a knee injury and was unable to continue the rigorous exercise required of my metabolism to maintain an acceptable weight. Partially because change of life can make us a bit plumper.
Yesterday I had to go to the doctor for a follow up exam. My Doctor had a young intern, a three year med student with him. The intern looked at me with that familiar condemnation I am used to by now. My doctor is a bit more diplomatic about my weight. The intern asked me what I ate and how often I exercised, and proceeded to tell me all about life, and the dangers of being overweight.
I stared at the two men, clearly younger than I was when I was last in shape. At forty-five years old I was hiking mountains, in the gym on the Stairmaster for 45 minutes daily. Every morning I walked down to Happy Valley, which took about two hours back and forth from Tai Tam. I wondered, would I out live these two fellows. Because as you know, health issues can lurk deep within even the most fit bodies.
I am 64 years old, I have never had a heart attack, cancer or been hospitalized for the past years. Except for braking my ankle in 2000, and giving birth naturally to my two daughters. I have also not had any surgeries since I was 26 years old, and that was a minor surgery. I gained weight while I was pregnant at 38 years old with my first, and 42 years old for the second, but was able to easily shed the weight by being an exercise maniac.
Why all the photos of trees for this post, you might ask.
My mom tells a story of when she had just given birth to me. She had always been very thin and suddenly felt heavy with no clothes in her closet that fit. She went to the dress shop to purchase a house dress. The lady in the shop said to my mom, knowing she was clearly self-conscious. "There are fat trees and there are skinny trees and they all live in the same forest". In other words, accept yourself.
I rarely overeat, in fact if you ask any of my friends they will tell you I rarely eat at all. I get a fair amount of exercise, but certainly not the kind I used to do before my knee injury. Yet this pleasantly plump woman remains plump. I am comfortable in my skin and recognize that my metabolism is here to stay.
At 64 years old I have learned allot of life lessons. One of them is that the only thing I am sure of is that God is still in charge.
I prefer my old fat iPad, iMac and iPhone. I tend to choose soft padded furniture to sit on, rather than the slim elegant uncomfortable type. I like the fat snowflakes compared to the thin ones. I spend little or no time on diets of any kinds and I fill my days thanking God for each day.
Rather than keep this life lesson to myself, I thought I would share it today. If you are able...enjoy exercising, watch what you eat, but please know that if you too are a pleasantly plump woman, you are unique and God loves you just the way you are...
