Over the last two years I have fallen too often. Resulting in various new injuries, and old injuries that have become arthritic. A new back injury since last August has introduced me to the perils of sciatic nerve pain.
After taking a handful of various supplements, and three pills of my over-the-counter pain killers, my clarity slowly came into view. As I panned the room, I stared at vignettes that always bring me a joyful feeling. It felt like I was using my camera lens to focus on just one corner of the room. A gentle reminder of what I miss when I am suffering with pain.
Pain makes it impossible for me to focus, and consequently all the things that used to bring me joy are out of reach.
Focussing isn't the only thing on my mind this morning. How do I adjust to the new norm. Limited driving, not being able to lift or move things. Not being able to make plans, because I never know how much pain a day will bring. How do I change my focus so that my only topic each day is not pain. How do I maintain a positive attitude and not feel defeated? How do I arrange my daily to "to do" list with things that make me feel as if I have accomplished something with intent?
For years I have been a power house of energy. When I was in my mid-forties I was climbing mountains, taking care of my two little girls, and painting all night to create art to sell. In my fifties I was active with my girls and painting. In my sixties I had enough energy to literally move all the furniture out of my family room to create something pretty for my daughter's baby shower. I also was able to create the same beauty for my daughter Sarah's bridal shower. All the while managing three on-line shops and designing way into the night.
Now I can barely make it up the stairs, and I only accomplish a tiny few things, as I stare at stacks of projects, laundry, and the inability to move things from one floor to the another. End result...defeated.
I have a plan for the new norm.
Taking classes has always made me happy. I looked at several wonderful classes on-line that will allow me to work at my own pace and give me something to look forward to.
Spending more time on the computer to design with a planned action plan.
Instead of feeling badly that I can't take my Grandson's on dates right now. Read them more books, enjoy quiet time with them in my den. Watch movies that might inspire them.
Adjusting my "to do" list to be more reasonable and not so daunting.
I do hate getting older. Clearly I want to establish the new norm as I get ready to enter my 70's. It is not the number, but rather my physical limitations that paint 70 to be problematic for me.
Pain has taught me to appreciate all my blessings when I have the clarity to see them. Remain thankful even in the middle of the adversity of pain. Pain has taught me that I must accept my limitations and use the same tenacity that I have always had to create ways to enjoy life just the same. In a new way that fits into my limitations.
Pain has taught me that it only worsens when I focus on the pain and not distract myself with art.
Pain has taught me that I can rely on others to help with things I can longer do and without the guilt that some naysayers might try to inflict on me.
Pain has taught me that maybe I can no longer climb mountains, move furniture, or go for drives just now. Yet, I can do new things and rearrange the old things to fit into this new norm.
Pain has taught me that I can enjoy the things that I have and view them in a different way. Rather than going on adventures outside my home, I can create adventures with all the gatherings.
I recently sat in the hospital waiting for my daughter to pick me up. I had some tests done and I was feeing especially sorry for myself. As I waited, the revolving doors brought one patient after another in with all kinds of problems. People in wheelchairs used the handicap doors. Many had huge smiles on their faces. I couldn't help but reflect on the fact that there are people battling worse medical situations than mine. I must remember that and carry on to adjust my life with acceptance and with the help of God to create an equally meaningful new chapter. God isn't finished with me yet.
Every day is a gift, even if I have to celebrate those gifts from a chair.
